Memories Of 5th Year: Part 2

After Accounting Dean attempts to pour a bucket of water over Donal but Mr. Halpin averts the crisis. Ms. Kilbane also features.

Memories Of 5th Year Part 1

23 rd May 2007:
Enda Kenny's election poster is put up on the wall and Mr.Byrne comes face-to-face with his double

Pat Patterson.......Remember You Always

Well my mini-camera picked a great time to give out on me, meaning all pictures I took today are lost forever. However, I only got 1 decent picture of the man himself, all the graffiti (hope Jenko isn't reading this) is on my phone, so that's safe.

In other hilarity:
Thur 29 Mar: R.E: The Shane McShite incident: "Are you nearly finished yet?" (to Ms Maloney as we wait outside while she talks to student) D.M: "NO!" (All can be heard in much more detail on The Potscast Vol. 3)

B.S: The fire alarm is going off but we can't hear it. A 6th Year puts head in door "Eh, there's a fire alarm" How reassuring to know we'll be safe if there actually is a fire.

On bus home: Duffy: (to some bird who got on) "The nose on her"; (To guy she sits down beside, who then gets up to get off) "Resist the temptation on the bus"; (To guy who gets on) "Who's this faggot?"

Tue 27 Mar:
Hist: Fionan "Sir you can get fake tan from teabags now" Hogan replies: "Good luck with your teabagging Fionan."

R.E: Maloney: "I was driving to Sandymount to take pictures of the lighthouse for my ecology (?) class, but I took a wrong turn and somehow wound up at the sewage treatment plant (In Poolbeg)....... on my way back I was going through a halting site when the travellers started throwing teabags at me for 'coming near them'." Lorcan: "Ha, Ms. Maloney got teabagged"

Fri 23 Mar:
B.S: Dylan puts a lock on Daragh's bag, Daragh: (to Woulfe): "Miss, someone put a lock on my bag" E.W: "Just ignore it" Deco: "It's calling me names"

Irish: Jenko checking people who have been late to the class, to P.Kelly: "You've missed 28 Irish classes" P.K: "Pardon" K.J (In a much lower voice): "You've missed 28 Irish classes"

Thur 22 Mar:
At match v Institute (0-0): Micka is playing, Lorcan: "What's Micka's first name?" Fahy: "John" Duffy: "Dirt"

Tue 13 Mar:
Maths class in Rm 4. Ms. Woulfe comes in and we think we have a free class. P Diddy comes in, A. O'Tuama: "Fight" Furlong (impersonating PD): "Eh, Ms. Woulfe if you could just pop off the auld skirt there"

P. Diddy Quotes

Thanks to James for e-mailing me these Pat Doyle quotes which originally appeared on Stephen McDermott's Bebo page:

-Introduction to EVERY class: "Now, we'll just, eh, check/go through our attendence here now" -Roll call: "Declan Driver", "Here sir", "EHHH Patrick Kelly", "Here sir", "EHHH Stephen McDermott", "Here sir", "and EHHH Michael Walsh", "Here sir"

-After EVERY roll call: "Now if could we just remove the old jackets"

-After that: "Now. We were on this business of..../We'll get back to this business of..."

-"If you don't mind me saying so..."

-"AH!"

-"The fact of the matter is..."

-"You'll be glad to hear...."

-"Let me just draw your attention to..."

-"If you stop to think about it..."

-"That was question number (insert EXACT number) in, oh, I think it was (names EXACT year)"...and shows us the exam paper to prove himself right

-"I sold a diffraction grating worth 5 Euro to a lad once for 50 Euro, except I had to, you know, add on 12.50 for VAT"

-"Now, you've got these experiment copies to do. One day in most schools a Department inspector comes in and checks those copies and grades you on them. Note how I say most. See they won't be coming in here because I'm Pat Doyle"

-"Have you ever seen a film called Dirty Harry? It's got a very famous physicist called Dr. Clint Eastwood in it. And in that film, there's a scene where a guy fires a little gun at someone and the guy who's shot at goes flying miles out the window behind him. Now, under the Law of Conservation of Momentum, this is impossible. I was in the cinema when I saw this, and I started to point out to the audience the obvious flaws in this theory. I even started handing out sets of notes. They started calling me some rude names, and I must say I didn't really like that" -"Now what's the answer to that?"....(randomly starts a timed clock)....15 seconds later: "eh, is it 3 sir?"...(stops clock). "Now, the reason for that was to gauge how long it would take for you to answer me. You're the most fascinating bunch I've ever come across. I'm beginning to think that you either don't like me, or that you're scared of me....."

-"See the psychedelic colour it has there? It's like, eh, tripping on acid or something" (pauses for laughs, gets silence)..."But I've only ever read about that"

-"I'm a big fan of Pink Floyd.....Rock on brother!"

-"Now the lightning conductor is saying to the ionised air 'give it to me baby!' "

-"Now, there's an interesting thing about public Christmas trees. Members of the 'O' family come along and try and steal the lights. By 'O' family I mean 'Johnno' and 'Micko' and the likes"

-"Question number six is an absolute CLASSIC"

-"You might note a slight sense of cynicism in my voice"

-"Now, if you're stuck in a car during a thunderstorm and lightning strikes the vehicle, you may wonder to yourself just how the hell you're going to get out of the thing. So my suggestion to you is, bang on the window with your elbow a couple of times, but make sure there's no joy, and press the button to open the car, but pretend it won't open. Repeat this step a number of times and eventually some fella will come along and open the car door for you. When he earth's the million volts trapped by your car, you simply step out of the vehicle, unharmed...."

-Pat's conclusion to this evil plan: "Anyone who does this is clearly not a student of physics and therefore does not deserve to live anyway"

-"Now, you may notice with electricity that in my notes there's not a single equation on the first five pages. But don't panic, there's some later on"

-"This chapter of the book is called "More Difficult Differentiation". Now, I want you to scratch that and call it: "More EXCITING Differentiation"

-"A very sad thing happened in 1984 when they took Calculus of the Physics course"

-End of every class: "We'll pause it there for the moment"

ADDITIONS:

-"That would be stepping into the realm of Applied Maths"

-"That would be a very subtle piece of maths there now"

-His definition of Applied Maths: "It's not Maths, it's not Physics, it's Maths-Physics"

-"Now, I'd like you to NB that to the power of seven"

-"Believe it or believe it not......."

In other news....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

But on a lighter note, who's the f*cker Ellie's hugging? He'd better watch himself.

QUITE ROYSH!

So while some of you went home early because R'N'B ....ite (exhale) was out, we subsequently had a humorous Business class:

Dylan hangs Conor Murphyssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh copy out the window and closes it, leaving him standing up trying to get it and Woulfe says nothing, even though when she's collecting copies he tells her it's out the window, she just says she'll come back.

Woulfe: "I read for 30 seconds and you lose concentration, when you're paying attention again you erupt in another 30 seconds. Loike you have the shortest attention span." ..15 seconds of silence passes... Then BoF (surprise, surprise) says "what's your concentration span..."



"But how are you related to your cousin?" "Just answer the question, you know what I'm talking about."

Killary

Combine these 2 and thats what youll be doing in Killary - Enjoy!

First Update In A While

It's Hogans brother (Cian Hogan). Looking at him closely you actually see that the resemblence is scary.

Speaking of Hogan, here's his room thrashed on Thursday (15th Feb).

Finally, Shane McShite actually FELL ASLEEP at the Mary's match. "I'm not asleep, I'm looking downwards!"

A Fortnight of Hilarity

Considering I haven't updated in a while here's all that has happened since Mon Jan 15:

Monday:
R.E: Fionan aims apple at bin but hits Maloney's TV cabinet instead.
Freeman comes in and asks to take Goose, Fionan puts up hand,
Freeman: "What?"
Fionan: "Take me!"

Tuesday:
French: Byrner: "That door has opened 10 or 15 times today and it's a pain in the ass"; "The family eat fish and meat".
B.S: Lorcan and Fionan have Sam's phone and it starts ringing in class, Woulfe takes it. Message on it says: "Give Sam back his phone or you won't be able to have kids when I'm finished with you!" Must have been from Debbie.

Thursday:
Sam and Goose have fight in yard and milk goes all over window.
Niall: "What's Prison Break, is it a documentary?"

Tuesday:
B.S: Woulfe: "O.K, stop talking please" Duffy: "Or wha?"
While correcting Duffy's test: Woulfe: "O.K Alan just get out", Duffy leaves and throws bag into locker, Fionan (in bogger accent): "I'm cool."

Friday (26th):
B.S: Mark: "Mr. Daly said..." Lorcan (in Daly's accent): "It's Father!!!!!!!!!!"
Fionan sitting on edge of seat, rolls back with legs in air.

Monday:
R.E: Maloney has a breakdown after Ciaran asks why we are studying Jade Goody. After Duffy kicks Fionan, she SHOUTS at him: "I TOLD YOU TO MOVE SO MOVE!!!!!!!!!"; "This is retarded", Fionan: "Why did you call me retarded?" Someone slagged S Mc Shite, Lorcan: "You slagged Shane McKnight, how dare you1" (Obviously there was a slight sarcasm in his voice)

French: Mc Shite asleep, AGAIN! Byrner: "Shane, Shane, SHANE!" SmcK: "I'm not asleep, I'm looking downwards." Byrne: "Don't take it personally Shane, I'm just telling you to pay attention."

B.S: Conor Murphy: "Terenure and Blackrock are hot this year."

At Last A New Post

Sorry that there haven't been too many recent updates but there hasn't been much to talk about over the holidays. I promise updates will be in greater frequencey once school resumes (which I'm sure we're all looking forward to - right?). Talk to you soon

Peace-Out!

Why Is Our School so Depressing?

Because Jenny Jenko didn't let anybody dress up on non-uniform day. Thats the point, its NON-uniform day, not wear-in-ordinary-clothes-day, because thats a uniform in itself. And it's for charity anyway.

A Lot To Get Off My Chest

I havent updated in a while so there's a lot to talk about. First:

A transcript from tuesdays business (aka bizorg) class, the day of the love-bite:

Woulfe: (calling roll) Alan,

Duffy: Hickey, I mean here

Duffy: Who's been gnawing on your neck!!

Todays (fridays) bizorg:

Woulfe: O.K take off your coats, gloves and everything,

Mark: What you want us to sit here in the nip?!

Todays History:
Hogan: Anyone ever been on the N8 to Cork?

Me: (fairly loudly) No

Hogan: Are you proud of that fact (then he says my name, which i wont say)?

Also, great news, Co'c, Michael et al will be in shit for not cumming (no pun intended) into school. Daly took a roll at the end of the day. Conor Murphy just runs out the classroom as soon as he finds out he is, so he can get on detentionsssshhhhhhhhh again.....sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh

A Cork Nazi

Hogan this week said he has been waiting 8 weeks for the delivery of a DVD from amazon. Not just any DVD, but "Triumph of The Will" a Nazi propaganda film showcasing the 1936 Nuremburg Rally. You know, that kind of thing is banned (I would presume) so expect the police to be kicking in his door any day now.

Wii vs PS3

We all know who wins:

I Want To Be Him

Great-50 Posts

Nearly 6 months since this blog began and the last post was no.50. Let's hope for 50 more.

On a lighter note Paris Hilton was in BT2 (roysh) yesterday and claims its great to be in ireland because she's Irish. No Paris, you're an American with an Irish granny. That seems to be every person in that country these days.