P. Diddy Quotes

Thanks to James for e-mailing me these Pat Doyle quotes which originally appeared on Stephen McDermott's Bebo page:

-Introduction to EVERY class: "Now, we'll just, eh, check/go through our attendence here now" -Roll call: "Declan Driver", "Here sir", "EHHH Patrick Kelly", "Here sir", "EHHH Stephen McDermott", "Here sir", "and EHHH Michael Walsh", "Here sir"

-After EVERY roll call: "Now if could we just remove the old jackets"

-After that: "Now. We were on this business of..../We'll get back to this business of..."

-"If you don't mind me saying so..."

-"AH!"

-"The fact of the matter is..."

-"You'll be glad to hear...."

-"Let me just draw your attention to..."

-"If you stop to think about it..."

-"That was question number (insert EXACT number) in, oh, I think it was (names EXACT year)"...and shows us the exam paper to prove himself right

-"I sold a diffraction grating worth 5 Euro to a lad once for 50 Euro, except I had to, you know, add on 12.50 for VAT"

-"Now, you've got these experiment copies to do. One day in most schools a Department inspector comes in and checks those copies and grades you on them. Note how I say most. See they won't be coming in here because I'm Pat Doyle"

-"Have you ever seen a film called Dirty Harry? It's got a very famous physicist called Dr. Clint Eastwood in it. And in that film, there's a scene where a guy fires a little gun at someone and the guy who's shot at goes flying miles out the window behind him. Now, under the Law of Conservation of Momentum, this is impossible. I was in the cinema when I saw this, and I started to point out to the audience the obvious flaws in this theory. I even started handing out sets of notes. They started calling me some rude names, and I must say I didn't really like that" -"Now what's the answer to that?"....(randomly starts a timed clock)....15 seconds later: "eh, is it 3 sir?"...(stops clock). "Now, the reason for that was to gauge how long it would take for you to answer me. You're the most fascinating bunch I've ever come across. I'm beginning to think that you either don't like me, or that you're scared of me....."

-"See the psychedelic colour it has there? It's like, eh, tripping on acid or something" (pauses for laughs, gets silence)..."But I've only ever read about that"

-"I'm a big fan of Pink Floyd.....Rock on brother!"

-"Now the lightning conductor is saying to the ionised air 'give it to me baby!' "

-"Now, there's an interesting thing about public Christmas trees. Members of the 'O' family come along and try and steal the lights. By 'O' family I mean 'Johnno' and 'Micko' and the likes"

-"Question number six is an absolute CLASSIC"

-"You might note a slight sense of cynicism in my voice"

-"Now, if you're stuck in a car during a thunderstorm and lightning strikes the vehicle, you may wonder to yourself just how the hell you're going to get out of the thing. So my suggestion to you is, bang on the window with your elbow a couple of times, but make sure there's no joy, and press the button to open the car, but pretend it won't open. Repeat this step a number of times and eventually some fella will come along and open the car door for you. When he earth's the million volts trapped by your car, you simply step out of the vehicle, unharmed...."

-Pat's conclusion to this evil plan: "Anyone who does this is clearly not a student of physics and therefore does not deserve to live anyway"

-"Now, you may notice with electricity that in my notes there's not a single equation on the first five pages. But don't panic, there's some later on"

-"This chapter of the book is called "More Difficult Differentiation". Now, I want you to scratch that and call it: "More EXCITING Differentiation"

-"A very sad thing happened in 1984 when they took Calculus of the Physics course"

-End of every class: "We'll pause it there for the moment"

ADDITIONS:

-"That would be stepping into the realm of Applied Maths"

-"That would be a very subtle piece of maths there now"

-His definition of Applied Maths: "It's not Maths, it's not Physics, it's Maths-Physics"

-"Now, I'd like you to NB that to the power of seven"

-"Believe it or believe it not......."

In other news....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

But on a lighter note, who's the f*cker Ellie's hugging? He'd better watch himself.