Sunday, September 26, 2010

More Classics Quotes

Tue 6 May:

English:

Hogan: “I am not what I am”                                      Paddy: “You’re not an English teacher”

Business:

Dylan (on Millea) “He’s a bit odd miss, isn’t he?”

 

2 May:

Maths:

Pat telling people new rules mean you have to sign in, “If you don’t you’ll be shot”

Accounting:

Sam: “Miss, is that an engagement ring on your finger?” Kearns: “Who’d marry her?”

 

1May:

French:

Paddy: “I’m the model student compared to Kealan”

History:

Hogan: “Collins landed on the moon, is there anything this man can’t do?”

English:

Hogan (to me) “If I find out that was you [the posters] I’ll crush you”

Hogan: “Find something to write on”                                      Lorcan: “A Bob Dylan poster”

Maths:

Pat: “Now this is the Mr. Big of vectors”

 

30 April:

After we have our English mock Hogan is rushing us out, Me: “Don’t worry I’ll lock up” Hogan: “Look at what you did the last time you were here”

Accounting:

Sam texts Goose ‘She’s [Kilbane] looking good today’ and Goose shows her.

 

26 April:

B.S:

Ellie: “That has short question written all over it”                      Dotsy: “I Don’t see it”

 

English:

Hogan: “Who wrote Bob Dylan is shit……I’ve sent that away for tests and if it comes back Paddy Allen you’d better run for the hills”

Furlong: “What do we do if none of the poets we studied come up?” Hogan: “That would only happen if I’m an idiot”

 

25 April:

Accounting:

Kearns: “Miss, just answer this. Are you interested in Sam?….She’s saying nothing, she must be”

English:

(Free w/ Johnny H) Lorcan: “There appears to be some graffiti on the walls. John Lennon was actually a member of the Nazi Party”

24 April:

Maths:

PD: “Why are so many people out sick?”Rob: “Studying” Pat: “Ah, a very noble pursuit”

23 April:

Classhead:

Pat: “Senior GAA training….is there a senior GAA team?”

French:

Byrne: “Patrick, there are 2 ways of paying attention and you are doing neither”

Maths:

Pat made a mistake, “I know out of politeness you didn’t point that out…of course if you did you’d be visited and beaten up”

History:

Dan: “It’s like a gameshow, different themed weeks” Hogan: “Next week it’s contextualisation week, then it’s Mock II week-The Mocks Part II: This time it’s personal”

BoF (To Fionan): “Why don’t you leave instead of moaning every day about it” Rob: “Says BoF”

BoF: “I’d laugh if one of the questions on the LC was ‘was Hitler an astute politician’” Hogan: “We’d have to look for copyright”

22 April:

B.S:

Ellie was in the paper…Dotsy: “Just because you were in the paper you think you can do what you want”

R.E:

Planning graduation: Wondering what teacher we’ve had since first year that should read-Hugh: “Ms. Ceady. No the B-Man (Lambe), I’d say he’d do it”

21 April:

Maths:

Pat: “Is that [cricket] trip abroad?” Rob: “Yeah, it’s in Durham, in England” Andy: “We know where Durham is”

17 April:

English:

Deco: “Sir, there are no paragraphs in this sample answer, it’s just one big point” Hogan: “It’s a great essay” Daragh: “I’d give it a B2” Hogan: “Daragh and Declan talking at the same time in class? You could have started that 2 years ago” Hugh: “I don’t get it”

16 April:

Accounting:

Sam: “Miss, will you still be in the school next year?” KK: “Yes” Sam: “Not after the Debs you won’t”

Irish:

Byrne comes in: “Can I borrow that plug please?” Paddy: “No you cannot”

History:

Hogan trying to say Gregory XVI “George the 16th…Is that right?” Furlong: “It’s Gregory the 16th” Hogan: “I used to be really good at Roman numerals. I could count up to 1,000” Rob: “Yeah it’s M”

French:

Doing the pluperfect, Byrne writing sentences on board. Starts writing ‘If she was younger..’, then he stops. Sparky: “You’re getting into a risky situation there” Byrne writes ‘..I’d be in jail’, rubs it out then writes ‘..I’d take her to the cinema’. Andy: “It’d be dark”

15 April:

Irish:

Fahy: “Will you be asked to compare ‘Jack’ and ‘An Bhean Og’?” Gillanders: “Is that a serious question?”

Rob: “Do we have to study the history of the poems?” Gillanders: “No, students in my class have got A1s and not done it”

14 April:

Business:

Ellie: “What department is in charge of hospitals?” Millea: “Dept. of Health…Yeah, that’s ordinary level showing you up”

11 April:

Maths:

Pat (on Matrices): “If something freaky happens, you’re probably right”

Accounting:

Some woman having lunch outside, Kearns shouts out: “Hello, I’m Kathleen Kilbane”

10 April:

History:

Hogan: “They should make a film on the Treaty Negotiations, it’d be great” Langan: “You as Michael Collins” BoF: “Lloyd George” Hogan: “Kealan you’d be Kitty O’Shea. You’d look well in a dress”

English:

Paddy: “Sir, I saw you walking across the yard on Monday morning with your trousers up around your nipples”

Business:

Woulfe won’t give Fogo notes from the projector. Gives them to Fionan – Fogo: “Oh I see, give them to Fionan, favour him.” Ellie: “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing”

Keegan has no h.w, Dotsy: “Keegan just get out now”

9 April:

Maths:

PD: “That’s a very good calculator”

Business:

Woulfe is in all white- Duffy: “Paddy, it’s your lucky day”

She bends over at desk beside me, I’m staring – Keegan hits me- “Oi, takes those glasses off”

8 April:

English:

Hogan lists out qualities like charming, beautiful (talking about Iago)- Hogan: “Unlike Hugh Murray, yes” Paddy Kelly: “Unlike Richard Hogan”

7 April:

Business:

Woulfe talking about advertising to kids: “They’ll tell them buy this and you’ll have more friends” Dotsy: “Some loser kid buys them”

Woulfe: “In college we got an interview with Eddie O’Connor [of Aitricity] and I was so sick that day and two of the guys from my team were so hungover. We were in a state and he had no time for us”                                                                                    Millea: “I bet you weren’t sick Miss, you were hungover aswell”

History:

Hogan: “Vichy France” – he pronounces it ‘Vicky’.

Friday, January 16, 2009

More Quotes From 08

Thur 22 May:
In office with Duffy (day of graduation practice): Byrne: "Hi lads" Duffy: "Hi Lorcan" Byrne keeps walking then realises: "You haven't left yet" Duffy: "I left 2 years ago"

At practice: Hugh gets up to practice speech, Duffy: "Hugh's gay"......Hugh: "Good evening" Duffy: "Hi"

19 May:
AK and JD: AK: "I was out in the Pavilion in Swords" JD: "What were you doing out in the Pavilion?" AK: "I can't get into that" JD: "Oh, shopping probably"
JD: "I was on the 17 bus" AK: "What were you doing on the 17?" JD: "Going to Blackrock, it goes from Crumlin" Ak: "Ok, I'll just make a note of that"

15 May:
I went back in to get notes from Tonge, in office and Hogan walks in and stares at me: "What are you doing here?" Me: "Ehhhh..."

9 May:
French: No-one in class, I'm looking out window: "There's the old bill gone driving down there" Byrne: "Oh, I thought you were talking about that young lass" Me: "No, I'm a gentleman" Byrne: "Not on the football pitch"  Me: "What? Did Mr. Hogan say that to you? LB: "Yeah, there's a vicious rumour going around the staff room. I didn't believe it considering your mild manner in class" Me: "Did anyone else say that?" LB: "Mr. Blanche, he didn't disagree" Me: "Are there any other vicious rumours about me?" LB: "No, are  you good at maths?"

Accounting: Me: "Miss, what does Mr. Hogan say about me in the staff room?" KK: "I don't know I don't listen to Mr. Hogan" Me: "I know he's an arse isn't he?" KK: "Is it hate?"

English: Hogan: "Patrick [Kelly] would you go to the office and get some graffiti remover for that smiley face on the wall" Stephen Reid: "Shouldn't the other Patrick be getting that" ... Paddy: "I was in the office and KJ.." Hogan: "Paddy" Paddy: "...sorry, Mr. Jennings came in and said to Ms. Hayes 'Do you think I could send this box of chocolates in an envelope to Chanel College?' Hayes:'I think they'd melt Kevin' KJ:'That's a good point'"

Irish: (Talking about Cearrbhach Mac Caba) Dotsy: "Miss, can you say fear dubh in the exam if you forget the word for devil"

Thur 8 May:
Accounting: Sam has Dean's ball on head, it falls out the window and Goose has to climb out and get it

Irish: Paddy: "Miss, did we ever watch Clare sa Speir?" Gillanders: "Yes, you must have been out" Paddy: "I must have been on the hop"

Business: Fionan (talking about his ex) "I had to get my Mum to call her and tell her to stop calling me"

English: Everyone looking at MILF in yard, Hogan: "Lorenzo sit down, the MILF is gone"

Wednesday 7 May:
History: I got 84.7% in mock, Hogan: "If I saw he tried hard I'd give him an extra mark and mark it up. But if I knew him, and he had scribbled on my wall, I'd mark it down"

French: Me: "I can't believe it's not cum..wait, I can't believe it's not butter, it's because it's cum"

At break: Duffy was sunburnt, Mackey: "Worshipping the sun up in Wicklow, worshipping the gods"

Accounting: Ms. Hayes was looking for Tierney (on the hop...again). Kilbane points to Dempsey, Mark: "Do I look like a horse?"

 

Sunday, September 14, 2008

From The End Of School Going Back - Part1 (Exams)

All the quotes I have I never published:

Tue 17 Jun 08:
AK+JD: (Tallking of Miley's 'Well Holy God' in Glenroe) JD says it, AK: "That's not how he says it-'Well Holy God'" JD:"No, Well Holy God" AK: (in Italian accent):"Well Holy God"

Caller's ma found condoms in her bag, AK: "Slapper" JD: "What?" AK: "Who said that?" JD: "If someone found condoms in my handbag.." AK: "What are you doing with a handbag?" JD: "It was a stage I went through"

Wed 11 June:
Maher asks me and a few others to go get our pictures taken with Irish Times in yard. Duffy: "Get rid of Ms.Hayes..Miss, someone over there wants you" When photographer asks his name he says: "Martin Freeman"

Thur 5 June:
AK+JD: JD:"What county is the garden of Ireland?" Caller: "Westmeath" JD: "No, thats the kip of Ireland, I asked for the garden of Ireland"

Wed 4 June:
In yard, Hogan's in sandals; Duffy calls him Jesus......I have my bag open, Duffy: "Look sir, that's where Paddy put all your pictures, he doesn't like Cork people.....see you Richie (he doesn't reply) or not"

Saturday, May 17, 2008

After Christmas - February

Mon 7 Jan:
R.E: Lorcan (to Maloney): "Are you into all of that family bondage....oh, bonding?"



Tue 8 Jan:
French: Byrne left some kids he was meant to talk to outside door, someone reminds him at end: "Oh shit"



Wed 9 Jan:
Maths: Pat was back (had been out), puts on jacket and leaves room, Furlong: "He's gone again, he's teasing us, playing hard-to-get"



Thur 10 Jan:
AK + JD: AK: "I was wallpapering today" JD: "Yeah, lashing your paste the wall" AK: "I was DIY-ing all day" JD: "Well, your hand must be in bits" AK: "Yeah, it goes everywhere" Caller: "I'm a taxi-driver" JD: "So how do you know so much about DIY?" AK: "Well I'm a radio-presenter" JD: "That's debatable"

Back to wallpaper: JD: "Knowing your tastes it's probably floral wallpaper" AK: "Yeah" JD: "Jesus Christ"



Mon 21 Jan:
B.S: Fionan keeps asking questions, Lorcan: "Is this class dedicated to you Fionan?"



Tue 22 Jan:
R.E: Maloney (to Daragh): "Fuck's sake, you keep talking" - She gives a lecture, there's silence, Millea: "Who are you talking to?"

Maloney (to Duffy): "What's your favourite film?" Lorcan (as Duffy): "Shaving Private Ryan"

Maloney: "I feel like a mother here" Fionan: "Nurse me" Lorcan: "Incest" Maloney: "What would Mr. Doyle say if I told him you said that, it's so insulting"

Lorcan: "Sam is like yer man Lou off 'Little Britain'......yeah, but no" Fionan: "That's his bird"

French: Paddy: "Sir, do you speak German?" Byrne:"...NO!"



Thur 24 Jan:
Classhead: Pat: "Who didn't get a mock timetable?" Millea: "Oh, I need one" Lorcan: "No, that's the wrong one, you need the Junior Cert one"

B.S: Lorcan: "What's wrong Mark [Millea] do you need your crayons?"

AK + JD: JD: "They have divorce parties now" AK: "Yeah there was one at my gig last week" JD: "Anything to plug the gig, everything happens at your gig. They're having circumcisions at your gig"



Mon 28 Jan:
Hist: Hogan: "There'll be no bias, I don't hate any of you that much, apart from Robert" Brushy: "Rob's small" Hogan: "I don't know Robert, you just rub me up the wrong way....oh, wait"

Someone: "Can we quote you? As Hogan said: 'Hitler was an astute politician'" Kealan: "As Stephen Tonge said; 'N***ers are faggots'" Hogan: "Just because you write a history book, it doesn't make you an historian. If you write a book on poetry, you don't become a poet" Rob: "Is that a dig at your brother?"



Tue 29 Jan:
B.S: Jamal and Kealan pushing, Woulfe: "Kealan!" Kealan: "He was slagging my nephew" Ellie: "How old is he?" KP:"He's.." Jamal: "Black" EW: "Are you the godfather?" KP: "No, it's my uncle" Jamal: "He's black"

AK + JD: JD: "I bet your mother was like Margaret Thatcher" AK: "I heard your's was aswell" JD: "Hard as nails, the iron lady" AK: "I heard your's looked like Margaret Thatcher" JD: "I heard your ma loked like Dennis Thatcher" AK: "I'm gonna throw this at you" JD: "Tell Thatch I said hello"



Wed 6 Feb 08:
AK + JD: JD: "I was eating a Chinese earlier, then I went out for something to eat"




Thur 14 Feb:
Hist: Hogan was out, so we had Beard, to Fionan: "If you don't put that [ipod] away I'll confiscate it", he doesn't, Beard takes it, Fionan: "I was in the process of putting it away" Beard: "Well, I'm in the process of taking it" Fionan: "When can I get it back?" Beard: "I'm in the process of deciding that"

Beard reading something, Brushy: "What currency is that?" Beard: "Canadian-Dollar" BoF: "We could do with some maple syrup in here"

R.E: (Speaking of Georgie): Lorcan: "He's a prick in his house; 'Ma, get me shum fucking breakfasht'"

Maloney: "I saw Sam in Tesco in Artane, I couldn't go over to him with no make-up on" Duffy: "Who, him or you?"

Kilduff: "Miss, are you invited to Mr. Hogan's wedding?" Fionan: "They're re-enacting the 1916 Rising"

Someone: "Are you going to Mr. McMorrow's wedding?" Lorcan: "I see them in the airport every mid-term. He's in front of the screen with his notebook taking down the times. 'Ah yes, we're leaving in 13 minutes'" Phili: "He's a plane-spotter"




Mon 18 Feb:
AK + JD: JD: "I go for walks on the beach in Donabate, at night, by myself" AK: "What were you doing there?" JD: "Walking my dog" AK: "You don't have a dog" JD: "I know, it's a good excuse when the Guards pull me over, I'm looking for my dog"



Tue 19 Feb:
AK + JD: JD: "Is there an Emo Garage in Dublin? It's not where depressed teenagers go" AK: "Oh, I know where it is, I went there once" JD: "Don't tell them....wait, why were you in that neck of the woods?" AK: "Eh...it was on my way home" JD: "No way were you on your way home"




Wed 20 Feb:
Hist: Hogan: "They said JJ Lee (his idol) was full of bias at the inservice, they were criticising him. They stopped as soon as they heard my Cork accent...I was about to go all medieval on their ass...I was going to text him and tell him, I still hav his number from when I stalked him"

Classhead: Pat: "Any Student Council Class Reps?" Phili puts up his hand OD: "Oh, congratulations, meeting.."

Maths: (Describing Integration by product or something) Pat: "I like to call these questions a double-portion"

B.S: Ellie: "So is anyone going to that revision workshop?" Millea: "Oh yeah, Miss, I'm not going"



Fri 22 Feb:
Before P.E (Day of Irish Times article): Luke: "That was Michael (caretaker) that wrote that article (does accent) 'I have to clean very dirty school'" 5th Year: "They put toilet-roll on toilet and piss on it"

Sunday, March 23, 2008

CUS In Pictures And Video

The fruit of a week's work, all of my footage put together for this video: CUS In Pictures

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Rembering Mr. Vaughan: Part 1

My first Mr. Vaughan video, during his brief stint as History teacher.

Friday, March 14, 2008

The Potscast Awards Return

Nominees:


Best Picture:

  • The Chess Coach And Kids:

  • Treacy's Over-Exuberance:

  • Duck-Arse Picking His Nose:


  • Lambe, His Curry And Omera Mumba:

  • A Stoner, Ms. Sweeney's There Aswell:

  • Lambe With The Tri-Colour Fluttering In The Background:

  • Ken Doherty's Angry:

  • Freeman Runs Off With His Love:

  • Pat Doyle Models For Tommy Hilfiger:

  • Mr. Munn's Reading Difficulties:


Saddest Moment:

  • Mr. Vaughan leaving

  • Pat Patterson leaving:


  • Hogan returning from the Philipines, alive

  • Kilbane's arrival:


Best Teacher:

  • Pat Doyle
  • John Doyle
  • Mr. Lambe
  • Pat Patterson
  • Vinnie Mac
  • Other....

Worst Teacher:

  • R'n'B
  • Kilbane
  • Hogan
  • Mulchrone
  • Other....

Funniest Moment (Of 2007/08): (Shortlist, pick your top 5 to make the nominees)

  • Me jumping across the desk in Irish to make Niall laugh
  • Niall returning the favour in Irish by making me laugh: "Go hang your bollocks off Patrick Dempsey's eybrows"
  • Pat Doyle making his actuary joke
  • Ms. Miller lasts 2 and a half classes: "You can all go and fuck yourselves"
  • Woulfe: "Kealan put your phone away" Kealan: "I'm just checking the time" EW: "It's not allowed, get a watch, or ask me" KP: "What time is it?" Fogo: "Get out"
  • Pat Doyle walks into history looking for someone, after he leaves: Hogan: "I'll never wash these floors again" Kealan: "You never wash these floors" RH: "Of course I do, I'm on my knees at the weekend washing them" Kealan: "That cum stain has been on the floor for years"
  • Brushy: "There's no blacks in the school" Hogan: "Jennings..." (Everyone continues talking unaware that was supposed to be a joke)
  • Duffy: "I did Ms.Woulfe, she was shite"
  • This whole class of English: Some drug-addict called Ms. Miller says she's teaching us English while Hogan's gone;P. Kelly: "I'm David Caffrey" Luke (as Borat) "David Caffrey on detention!.......I want to make sex explosion on your face"; Philip reads his essay "My Ideal Afternoon": "I was sitting in my kitchen on an 2-legged wooden chair with only a mocha-choca-chino for company....it was a gay afternoon"; Lorenzo writes "I love Ms. Miller" on his essay and signs off as James Brennan; Lorcan: "Well first of all Miss, Mr.Hogan usually teaches with his top off"
  • Woulfe has lights off for projector, Dotsy comes in and turns them on, he goes in the black book. Others come in, Dylan and Duffy "Turn on those lights there". Keegan (who else) falls for it, Fogo: "Keegan just get out", E.W: "Keegan just get out"
  • French: News was coming through that Shane McShite was expelled (YES!), Niall: "It was consensual" Me: "It was consensual, then they expelled him"
  • Hogan: "There's a few technical problems with the Wall Of Sound" Fionan: "You should get rid of all that crap (beside the window) and put it there" Hogan: "No, I want it down there so I can look at it from here over Kilduff's oddly shaped head.....That's been building up in me since the Philipines"
  • Doyle: "So if you spin it along the y-axis, what shape do you get?" Fuzzy: "A donut" PD: "Yes, one of those round-shaped donuts with chocolate on top, they're gorgeous and all that"
  • 23 May 2007-Mr. Byrne's Election Poster:


That's all so far, much more to come

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

First Update Since Christmas

And I don't have the time or the patience to go over everything that happened since then so it's just:

Mon 25 Feb:
Eng: We had to put our mock grade and what we want in the LC on a sheet, someone put John Smith A1-A1, Hogan: "A1-A1, he's certainly not in this class"

AK and JD: AK: (reccomending a restaurant in Drogheda) "I was up there the other day"
JD: "Hold on, hold on, stop the show, what were you doing in Drogheda?......You have a very secret life" AK: "My sat-nav led me there"

Tue 26 Feb:
AK+JD: AK: "That'll be in the post before Jeremy wears a condom again" JD: "Sorry, did you say something?" AK: "No, anyway that'll be in the post before (quieter) Jeremy wears a condom again" JD: "Sorry what did you say? At least my sperm is still active, anyway..."

Wed 27 Feb:
Hist: Hogan: "OK, Unionists on this side, boo them, and Catholics on this side. (S. Reid comes in) Come in my Catholic friend. Sit down anywhere you want, you're a Catholic"
Fionan, on the Catholic side has to read, someone: "Jew"

Thur 28 Feb:
B.S: (After Marist priest was giving away DVDs) Dylan: "Miss, do you want to buy a DVD for €7?" Deco: "C'mon let's start this test so we can fail"

Mon 3 Mar:
B.S: Millea: "Miss there's no kids in this class, we're all mature" Lorcan: "You Millea"

Fionan giving some explanation, someone: "Why don't you just go and kill yourself"

Woulfe: "Penetration pricing (laughter)... o.k so everyone got their little giggle out of that"


Classhead: Sam falls over desk (who else)

Tue 4 Mar:
B.S: Woulfe: "Kealan put your phone away" Kealan: "I'm just checking the time" EW: "It's not allowed, get a watch, or ask me" KP: "What time is it?" Fogo: "Get out"

Kilbane outside door, Millea: "Alright Miss, how's Kevin?"

RTE Champions League:
Eamon: "Brown's insulted by his £50,000 a week offer, I can empathise with him"

Eamon: "United have some Mickey Mouse cup match against Portsmouth at the weekend" Graeme: "Don't say that to Harry (Redknapp)" Eamon: "I don't think Harry watches RTE, or so I'm told"

Wed 5 Mar:
Hist: Pat Doyle walks in looking for someone, after he leaves: Hogan: "I'll never wash these floors again" Kealan: "You never wash these floors" RH: "Of course I do, I'm on my knees at the weekend washing them" Kealan: "That cum stain has been on the floor for years"

Hogan: "Kilduff, what are you doing? (writing on table) That's vandalism, vandalism has no place in history" Kilduff: "IRA"

Accounting: Kearns: "Miss, is it ok for Sam to be kinoodling (you spell that?) with a girl 4 years younger than him?" KK: "No" Kearns: "Is it ok for Sam to kinoodle with any girl?" KK: "No"

On bus I tell Duffy Lanigan is in girl's primary school now, Duffy: "She can't get up to anything there, lesbian action"

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Another Week....

Monday 22 October 07:
History: Our humourous conversation about Rosa Parks:

Hogan: "Was Rosa Parks a plant on the bus....well obviously not a plant but.."

Hogan: "She's a young woman, 43" Rob: "41" Hogan: "43 (Then starts adding in his head), I want to prove Tonge wrong"

Hogan: "Rosa Parks was 43, don't mind Tonge"

BoF: "How did she die?" Hogan: "She was attacked......by a bus, how ironic (his new word) would that be?" Brushy: "With a black driver" Hogan: "How do you think she died Brian, at 92?" BoF: "She was 42"

Langan: "In a black place" BoF: "It's African-American. You have to be politically correct about these things"

Sweetman: "How did they plan that a white person would ask her to move?" Brushy: "She just kept riding the bus until it happened"

Hogan: "Don't write blacks......what do you want to say, gollies (?), n*****s?" Furlong:"Well it says blacks in the book" Hogan: "Yeah, well Tonge wrote it" Rob: "He probably wanted to say n*****s"

Hogan: "Look atthe fools in that picture (of the KKK)" Brushy: "She's a babe" (some fat minger)

Hogan: "Matt, what were the laws of the area called, it's a very annoying bird, a black bird - how ironic" (The Jim Crow Laws)

Racism aside, Sweetman forgot his homework; Hogan: "In future Conor, if you're out of class, you should ring one of your pals and get the homework, but don't ring Mark Kilduff, he's no-one's pal"

English:
Hogan: "OK, take this down in your copies" Hugh: "You have our copies" Hogan: "Write it on the back of your hand, or on the back of a Cornflakes box"

Hogan: "I'm tired" Hugh: "It's those new shoes (the brown ones), no support in them"

Maths:
Pat: (explaining Linear Transformations) "Basically, you have to f a [f(a)], I know that sounds slightly rude"

French:
Byrner: "Does anyone want their hobby to be their future job?" Mario puts up his hand, P.Kelly: "Oh, God" Byrner (to Paddy): "I know your talents, embroidery..."

Tuesday 23:

Business:
Duffy takes a drink out of Jamal's bottle of water, throws it back and it spills all over his book, Woulfe tells him to leave. When we're going out for break, he spills ANOTHER bottle of water, leaving a big puddle athis desk by the end of class.

Woulfe (to Ciaran): "How ironic that we'd be talking about education standards, while you're talking in class in your Leaving Cert year" Class: "Ooooooooo" Ironic seems to be the new word for taechers

Accounting:
Dean: "Miss, can I have a tissue please?" Kilbane: "What am I, Kleenex Ireland?" Everyone: (sarcastic cough)

AK Phoneshow: (Talking of ponies and horses) AK: "Pretend I'm Adrain the pony" JD: "I'm not riding you....you un-educated fools, a pony is not a horse"

Wednesday 24:

Accounting:
Sweets is asking Kilbane if she's related to Kevin Kilbane, Jenko comes in and stands behind him, he continues talking, turns around; Jenko: "Alright?" and he walks out.

Some random taxi driver comes to the door: "Excuse me, where can I find the office?" Dean: "I'll show him"

After Business, Woulfe is wearing her leg warmers, Duffy shouts: "Miss, you ripped your socks"

Thursday 25:

History: (More racism)

Fionan: "BoF's talking about his racial experience over there......he dropped the soap" BoF: "Yeah, you wish Fionan"

Brushy: "There's no balcks in the school" Hogan: "Jennings..." (Everyone continues talking unaware that was supposed to be a joke)

Hogan: "Kilduff, if you want to subscribe to the KKK weekly newsletter, I'm sure you'll find it on the internet"

English:
P. Kelly (to Hogan): "Do we have another English class today?" Hogan: "Yeah" PK: "Oh God"

Daragh says something inaudible, Hogan: "Was that humour coming from you Daragh? The first attempt in 2 years."

Hogan: "Daragh, what's the next word?" Daragh continues reading the notes in his monotone, Hogan: "Daragh, thank you for that insightful opening"

R.E:
Luke (to Maloney): "Miss, who's the worst teacher for drinking?....I bet Ms. Varley's gone after a pint of 7up..'Where's me bike?!'"

AK Phoneshow: JD: "Adrian has a poker face" AK: "That's not very nice" JD: "As in a face you'd want to wallop with a poker"

Coca-Cola from Afghanistan: JD: "I don't think the Taliban are making Coke and sending it over here, well maybe they are, but not the kind of Coke we're talking about.....Find out what river flows through Afghanistan you un-educated fool"

Friday 26:

Maths:
Pat: "We're taking that last week before Christmas as a normal week. It's when people get all happy (with a look of disgust on his face) and say they love each other. But none of that in here, we're here to work"

History:
Hogan: "They (The Black Panthers) invented the phrase 'Black Power'. Should I bring in boot polish, put it on and we can all go around the school shouting 'Black Power!' Would it work?.....No?"

Hogan: "Brian, what does that phrase mean?" BoF: "Oh, you read it too fast", Hogan repeats it, BoF: "Are you still asking me?"

Hogan: "Robert, are you O.K?" Rob: "Ya" Hogan: "That sounded painful, now will you stop blowing on Eoghan's neck please" Furlong: "Kinky!"

Monday 29:

RTE: 'The 20 Moments That Shook Irish Sport': (Talking about violence in Aussie Rules in 2005) BOD: "You do that on the street and it's called common assault"

Monday 5 Nov 07:

R.E:
Millea (Talking about some English child abductors): "They encouraged incense, didn't they?" Sam: "You mean incest?"

AK Phoneshow: JD: "There are many things I haven't tried because I know I won't like them, I've never kissed a man" AK: "I did" JD: "What?" AK: "It was a dead body" JD: "There's a name for that....it's illegal.....let's go back, you were romantically involved with a dead body? Was it stiff?" AK: "It was a very personal moment"

The Fastest Texter is from Libya, living in Knockloyn; JD: "It's in the Middle-East" AK: "Knockloyn?" JD: "Well, it may aswell be"

Tuesday 6:

AK Phoneshow:
Caller was on holidays in Italy, JD: "Did you go to see where the film 'Glad-he-ate-her' was made? That film involved a plumber" AK: "And what did he do?" JD: "He ate her....he was a cannibal"

Nosy neighbours: JD: "When you had net curtains you could sit naked behind them and watch the neighbours." Caller: "I could be doing anything and they'd be watching me, out in the front doing some DIY" JD: "They're not spying on when you're doing a bit of DIY, are they?"

AK: "I used the torch (FM104 keyring) to find my way into the house today, it was dark" JD: "Oh, and did you find the hole?"

RTE: After the Liverpool match, Bill: "And now Daragh Maloney is with Rafa Benitez" (No sound from interview, only crowd) Eamon: "Rafa's not talking to us anymore (in bad accent) I not talk to those guys from RTE anymore"

Wednesday 7:
Duffy: "I did Ms.Woulfe, she was shite"

RTE: After United match: Talking of crap teams in Champions League: Eamon: "They stay in so they can get hammered and it makes good TV, will I sing a song or something?"

Thursday 8:

During Maths exam: Millea turns around and shoves Jamal's pencil case off table, Dylan gets up to go to toilet and knocks all of Jamal's papers and pens off the table. It's Jamal who gets a lecture off Miss Pat Magee.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

What Happened During The Phillipines Trip

Monday 1 Oct 07:
English: Some drug-addict called Ms. Miller says she's teaching us English while Hogan's gone;
P. Kelly: "I'm David Caffrey" Luke (as Borat) "David Caffrey on detention!.......I want to make sex explosion on your face"
Philip reads his essay "My Ideal Afternoon": "I was sitting in my kitchen on an 2-legged wooden chair with only a mocha-choca-chino for company....it was a gay afternoon"
Lorenzo writes "I love Ms. Miller" on his essay and signs off as James Brennan.
Lorcan: "Well first of all Miss, Mr.Hogan usually teaches with his top off"

Maths: P.Doyle: "So your answer is log 2 which equals 0.6931...I don't go around learning off log tables, I have a far more exciting life than that. I know it from physics"

B.S: Woulfe has lights off for projector, Dotsy comes in and turns them on, he goes in the black book. Others come in, Dylan and Duffy "Turn on those lights there". Keegan (who else) falls for it, Fogo: "Keegan just get out", E.W: "Keegan just get out"

Tuesday:
English: Philip: "Are we actually doing English?"
Miller: "You wouldn't do this to a male teacher.....Did you ever read '1984' by George Orwell, I bet you didn't", Dean:"Funny!"
Miller: "Is anyone familiar with Pink Floyd?" P.Kelly puts up hand, revealing pink boxers. Miller snaps and makes her big exit: "You (P.Kelly), you're a prick, you two (him and Luke), you're both f*cken pricks, the whole lot of you go f*ck yourselves" (with that she storms out....lesbian BYE!)

B.S: Fogo and Dotsy want to leave early for bus, Fogo: "Well we don't all live on the Southside" E.W (to Dotsy): "You're in trouble aswell" Dotsy: "What?! I didn't say anything...I'm not in that boat" Ciaran: "You won't be on that bus either"

Wednesday:
Irish: Gillanders (to Shane McShite): "Shane will you put that phone away" SMcK:"Yeah" OG: "Shane.." SMcK:"Yeah, in a f*cken second" That was a lot of cursing in the last 2 days.

Monday (8th Oct):
Maths: PD: "Eoghan did you get the answer?" Furlong: "No" PD: "Did you have a problem?" EF: "Yeah" PD: "Voice your opinion there Eoghan, assert your human rights"
Pat: (Talking of some magazine for the Leaving Cert): "It's €30 for 7 issues which, in my opinion, is a little steep"

AK Phoneshow: Someone rings in doing a very bad Jake Stevens, Jeremy:"Jake Stevens, that's so old, I suppose you may aswell ring up and say 'How you doin?' or 'Wasssssuuuupp'"

Wednesday:
AK Phoneshow: AK: "Tonight at 10:30 we'll have a report on someone getting a prick stuck into them" JD:"At that time of night" (Jeremy giving blood)
JD: "My brother-in-law had it in his hand earlier with a measuring tape to measure the length and width of it......Seemingly, SEEMINGly they're bigger" (Wispa bars)
AK swatted a fly, JD: "There's something all squishy in your hand" AK: "Oh, there's the fly in the other hand"

Thursday:
French: News was coming through that Shane McShite was expelled (YES!), Niall: "It was consensual" Me: "It was consensual, then they expelled him"

Friday:
B.S: Woulfe catches Millea doing his homework, Dotsy: "Leave him alone Miss, he's hormonal" Fogo: "He didn't get his Ready-Brek this morning"

Accounting: Dean has to go to Freeman's, Donal: "Do you want some Vaseline?" Sam: "He has chapped lips, Miss"

After P.E; Dylan: "Goose isn't going to have a shower before he goes out tonight, he said 'Sure I'll be having one tomorrow'" Mackey: "What's the point in having a shower if you're just going to get dirty again"

Tuesday (16th Oct):
Hist: BoF: (As Vaughan): "You destroyed my 'Fog Of War', that was €30 like"

Maths: PD (giving Goose a detention slip): "Stephen, here's an unwanted present"

B.S: Millea: "Miss, does Ireland have more exports than imports?"
Fogo: "Are footballers imports? They provide a service" Dotsy: "That's one to ponder over"
BoF: "Miss, are Russia in the EU?" Dotsy (as BoF): "Are Austalia in the EU?" BoF: "Someone told me they were in the EU" Lorcan: "I wouldn't f*cken listen to them anymore BoF"

AK Phoneshow: (talking of kissing on trains) JD: "If you are making out on a train, pull out first" AK: "What?" JD: "Pull out from the station"

Tuesday:
R.E: We're watching "Alive!", Hugh: "Miss, is this made by the same people who made 'Fair City'" Maloney: "No, why?" Hugh: "It's crap"

Wednesday: (Hogan et al are back)
Maths: Furlong: "We're going to give Hogan a welcoming jig in history"

History: Hogan's first question: "Lads, what the f*ck did you do to the substitute teacher?" Furlong: "She came in with the attitude" Fionan: "She took a disliking to Patrick Kelly's underwear"
Brushy (as Bof on the Philipines trip): "This is stupid, what's the point, why can't you build it yourselves. You're all thicks"

Accounting: KK: "We're going to work back-the-ways (?)"
Sweets: "Miss, where's our new projector screen?" Donal: "You have to demand it from Fr. Daly" Sam: "Go into the office and give him a few kisses"

B.S: Declan gives some stupid answer, EW: "Does anyone have anything else to say?" Daragh: "Shut up" EW: "Apart from that"

AK Phoneshow: (talking of snails and frogs legs): JD:"Did you ever put something slippery in your mouth?" AK: "Yeah, once, and I swallowed it. It tasted like rubber.....You have to put it on your tongue and it slides down your throat" JD: "And how were the snails?"
AK: (In a bad french accent): "Les escargots" JD: "They're not Italian"
Talking of Chinese restaurants: AK: "It's the 'wong' restaurant" JD: (exhale)

The Rest Of The Week:
Thursday (18th Oct 07): History: (Hogan's providing a lot of quotes since coming back from the Philipines) Hogan: "There's a few technical problems with the Wall Of Sound" Fionan: "You should get rid of all that crap (beside the window) and put it there" Hogan: "No, I want it down there so I can look at it from here over Kilduff's oddly shaped head.....That's been building up in me since the Philipines"
Hogan: "What were the reasons for championing Rosa Parks" Someone: "She was black" BoF: "She's a bit black alright"
Hogan: "Sorry to keep mention this but the black woman in Star Trek" Brushy: "Will I write the black woman from Star Trek in my Leaving Cert and get an A?"
Sweetman: "She was a black woman" Hogan: "She was"
Rob giving reasons to Hogan, Hogan: "OK, you're boring me now Robert"
Hogan: "The Montgomery Boy....Bus Boycott. I can assure you there were no boys invloved"

English: (talking of Ms. Miller) Hogan: "Do you have the handouts she gave you?"
Philip: "I wonder how she's coping without the methodone"
P.Kelly: "Sir, I heard Interpol were looking for you"
Daragh (to Hogan): "Did you hear what Ms. Maher (pronounced More) was saying about you?"
Hogan: "Maura?"

Irish: Gillanders ('An Triail'): "She put her baby's head in the oven and gasses herself" Dylan: "That's a bit harsh"

AK Phoneshow: JD: "What did you play with when you were younger? Wait don't answer that" AK: "Well, I was 15 when I got my first one, it was round. It was a record" JD: "What was your record? 7 minutes?" AK: "More like 3"
(Talking of toy soldiers) JD: "When was the last time you played with your soldier?" AK: "When I was 15" JD: "That was a long time ago"

Friday:
Accounting:




History: BoF: "For the project I know the title can't just be 'Cathal Brugha'. It has to be...." Hogan: "'Cathal Brugha-Scumbag'" Fionan: "Langer!" Kilduff: "Terrorist"

Maths: P Doyle: "So if you spin it along the y-axis, what shape do you get?" Fuzzy: "A donut" PD: "Yes, one of those round-shaped donuts with chocolate on top, they're gorgeous and all that"

Business: Some 1st year comes into class, Duffy turns around to stare at him but knocks his books off his table: "Oh shite"

Fr. Daly took Vaughan's (his last day today) Irish class out of Mass because they all drew cocks on Ms. Woulfe's pink Bush............CD Player (it was in his classroom for some reason)
During Mass: Fr.Keenan: "What's your last hymn, or song, they seem to have all been love songs so far" Mackey: "'Angels'" Fr. Keenan: "Oh, I suppose that has a holy theme"

AK Phoneshow: AK (Talking of old kid's TV show 'Button Moon') "That man (in credits) sounds like a pervert" JD (sarcastically): "Yeah, he's definitely on the sex register"
Caller: "Do you remember another show called 'The Shoe People'?......they kept changing their heads" JD: "Excuse me?" Caller: "The characters all had different shaped heads" JD: "Like the Aherns?"

Friday, September 28, 2007

Words Hogan Can't Pronounce

Montgomery Bus-Boycott (Montgomery Boy-Bus-cott)
Aeronautics (Astronautics)
Hue (Hoy)

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Memories Of 5th Year: Part 5

The departed Ms Kilbane ends an Accounting class, and there's riots in the corridors.

5th Year Memories: Part 4

This was our last R.E class of the year and my battery goes at the end, making a nice loud noise to draw attention to the fact I was recording the class.



Yay! School tomorrow, can't wait!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Memories Of 5th Year: Part 3

The Very Original 6th Year Prank


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Memories Of 5th Year: Part 2

After Accounting Dean attempts to pour a bucket of water over Donal but Mr. Halpin averts the crisis. Ms. Kilbane also features.